Boundaries in relationship to others is a topic that inevitably comes up in therapy, regardless of whether the approach is more cognitive or rooted in a body-based perspective. They’re just that fundamental.
When working with clients somatically, I often start by helping them understand how our bodies are constantly communicating their needs with us.
Once we’ve explored how to tap into those signals and really listen, the focus naturally shifts to boundaries. After all, knowing what we need is only the first step—setting boundaries is how we protect and honor those needs.
So, where do I begin?
Boundaries.
Where do I end?
Boundaries.
Where do you begin?
Boundaries.
Where do you end?
Can you guess what this next line might be??
You got it.
Boundaries are a fundamental part of life—literally.
Think about it: our skin, the largest organ in the human body, serves as a physical boundary, protecting what’s inside from what’s outside. Similarly, we have other boundaries that might not be visible, but they’re just as vital—emotional, sexual, financial, and spiritual boundaries all work to protect and preserve us.
Learning to set healthy boundaries is essential for cultivating a strong relationship with yourself. When we prioritize our mental and emotional well-being, we start to listen to that small, still voice within us.
When we ignore it, it often grows louder, demanding our attention in ways we can no longer overlook.
Many times to the detriment of our health.
Of course, setting boundaries is easier said than done, especially when it involves close relationships. Sometimes, the first step requires physical distance—moving away for school or work, changing jobs, or even leaving a relationship that no longer serves our best interests.
Other times, it’s about staying in place and learning how to communicate effectively to ensure our needs are met.
In cognitive work, we might focus on ways to communicate our needs clearly, with words, such as: “I know what is best for me, please respect my decision.” or “That’s not something I’d like to share.” We might even practice in conversation. This can be very helpful for people to find their ways in making changes in relationships with others, through their words.
In somatic work, I often guide clients through boundary exercises to help them tune into their body’s wisdom. A go-to exercise is simple but powerful: with permission, I start at one side of the room and slowly walk toward the client. Along the way, I ask them to notice where they feel most comfortable with the distance between us. Using words or hand gestures (such as the stop signal), I respect their boundary and stop, right there.
We take some time to notice what has happened – they have made their needs known, someone has respected them and we’re both okay.
They begin tracking what their body is communicating—signals we don’t often have time to notice in the hustle of daily life.
This practice is illuminating. Even in everyday situations, we can sense when our physical boundaries are crossed—sometimes by strangers, without a single touch. Yet, we rarely get the chance to pause and listen to what our bodies are telling us in those moments.
That’s what makes this work so special to me: somatic therapy offers the time and space to reconnect with those instincts and rebuild trust in ourselves.
One of my favorite exercises uses a circle of white lights to create a visible boundary. The client sits or stands within it, exploring what it feels like to have a tangible sense of protection and space. From there, they can start discovering the wisdom their body holds about boundaries—and how to take that understanding into the world.
Setting boundaries, whether it’s about creating space or standing firm, is a practice. It’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. But every small step you take builds the foundation for stronger, healthier connections—with yourself and with others.
